Bah Humbug!
Dec. 21st, 2005 10:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
catalyst210 Lessons From The 2005 Christmas Party
1. Even with a 50’s nostalgia theme, Ray Conniff is still shit. Always.
2. It doesn’t matter how true it is, never dedicate “Fat-bottomed Girls” to the receptionist with the phrase “Well, just look at her!”
3. To the asshat carving the hot meat at the buffet, turn your phone off. I don’t care what your plans are for tonight or who’s sucking who off – I just want some fucking turkey on my plate!
4. Hey buddy, it’s called “waiting on a table” for a reason. Hang on, you’re that wanker from the buffet again!
5. If you are going to scan your tits, then make sure you hit ‘Send’, not ‘Send all’ – and did you know that one of your nipples is about half the size of the other one? I do, unfortunately!
6. I don’t care if you have retired and have nothing left to live for – I still don’t want to see your ass.
7. If you are going to screw her in one of the cubicles in the men’s toilets, find out whether she’s a screamer first. Also move your ass away from the door so you don’t crash into it on every backstroke.
8. If you are going to whine and bitch about the dickhead director (that you have never met) who couldn’t find her own ass if you gave her a map, make sure it’s not her you are whining and bitching to!
9. It doesn’t matter how many reds you’ve had, you still can’t fucking sing – especially not “We are the champions”!
10. I hate you all and this just reminds why I need to get another job.
1. Even with a 50’s nostalgia theme, Ray Conniff is still shit. Always.
2. It doesn’t matter how true it is, never dedicate “Fat-bottomed Girls” to the receptionist with the phrase “Well, just look at her!”
3. To the asshat carving the hot meat at the buffet, turn your phone off. I don’t care what your plans are for tonight or who’s sucking who off – I just want some fucking turkey on my plate!
4. Hey buddy, it’s called “waiting on a table” for a reason. Hang on, you’re that wanker from the buffet again!
5. If you are going to scan your tits, then make sure you hit ‘Send’, not ‘Send all’ – and did you know that one of your nipples is about half the size of the other one? I do, unfortunately!
6. I don’t care if you have retired and have nothing left to live for – I still don’t want to see your ass.
7. If you are going to screw her in one of the cubicles in the men’s toilets, find out whether she’s a screamer first. Also move your ass away from the door so you don’t crash into it on every backstroke.
8. If you are going to whine and bitch about the dickhead director (that you have never met) who couldn’t find her own ass if you gave her a map, make sure it’s not her you are whining and bitching to!
9. It doesn’t matter how many reds you’ve had, you still can’t fucking sing – especially not “We are the champions”!
10. I hate you all and this just reminds why I need to get another job.
