It's a struggle ...

... but I think I have won. The story is this: the local fish and chip shop (mentioning no names but you know who you are!) make the most wonderful burgers and chips (and, no, I am not referring to Bernie's Burger Barn either - that's my *special* fish and chip shop, this is just my *regular* one). Most Saturdays, I ring up with my order and it is the same thing every time. I like an order of chips (no salt) and a bacon and cheese burger with hot chilli sauce. Simple? No, apparently not.

So far this year I have received:
chips (with a hell of a lot of salt) and a plain burger
chips (no salt - YAY!) with cheese burger (no salad, bacon or sauce)
no chips at all and the correct burger (small yay!)
chips (with a hell of a lot of salt) and a burger with cheese and bacon (no meat patty - wtf? - no salad, no sauce)
chips (with hot chilli sauce on - actually quite nice but ....) and a plain burger
chips (no salt - YAY!) and a plain burger - with, wait for it - a little plastic container with the salad, bacon and cheese in with the chilli sauce drizzled on it - again, nice but not what I asked for!)
polystyrene container with patty, bacon, cheese and salad all mixed together on top of a pile of chips - but no bun or sauce - how is that in any way, shape or form a burger? Actually was quite nice but still ....

I had success this week because I went back to basics. This was my order:
"Make a burger with a meat patty, cheese, bacon and salad, all in a bun with hot chilli sauce on it. Cook some chips but don't put any salt on them. Wrap the burger. Wrap the chips separately."

Guess what - exactly right, first time. YAY me!

It is Saturday night and this is what I am excited about - I need a life STAT!

Dead Wood with Woodpecker

Sorry, that should have been "Still Life with Woodpecker". I know when I am in a trouble when I find the jacket quote (which, if Tom Robbins was thinking at all, should know is an insult) more amusing than anything in the book. The quote (apparently from an unnamed British critic) is "Tom Robbins writes like Dolly Parton looks". For me, I translated this as meaning that Robbins' writing is overblown, looks pretty at a distant but very forced close up and is the product of a deliberate manipulation and exaggeration of something which is rather ordinary at heart. And that that's OK - if that is all you are looking for.

Don't get me wrong, Robbins is a writer with a wonderful turn of phrase:

"Albert Camus wrote that the only serious question is whether to kill yourself or not. Tom Robbins wrote that the only serious question is whether time has a beginning and an end. Camus clearly got up on the wrong side of bed, and Robbins must have forgotten to set the alarm."

and

"Somewhere between champagne and tequila is the secret history of Mexico, just as somewhere between beef jerky and Hostess Twinkies is the secret history of America"

but story? meh! characterization? meh! people I want to know more about? me! improved my knowledge of the world? meh! posed questions that make me consider my view of the world? meh!